So over the past three days I screwed my life up and then got it in order again. Yeah, I know I can do some pretty gay things sometimes. Anyways, I got back with Jerry even though I swore I wouldn’t but the thing is I was blogging at around four am and talking to him, I did my daily routine of checking my MySpace right before I head to bed and in my truth box there was a message saying “I love you very much pookie, and want you back ” is what it said. That was obviously from Jerry and since it was four AM in the morning then, almost anything sounds like a good idea. So I got back together with him and woke up the next morning regretting what I just did, though I don’t have that much courage to tell him that I wasn’t thinking straight. I hate hurting people especially over the dumb choices I make. Plus I ended up doing a lot of really stupid things the first day we got back together, that I totally regret. It made me feel like I’ve gone back to zero, again.

The following piece of information would have helped me out a long time ago, and would have prevented me from making any future stupid mistakes. Well, when I was watching the bachelorette there was something that struck me that I may remember for the rest of my life. I have no idea why I was so drawn to this season of the bachelorette, all the shows are cliché so there is no point watching but I have seen this all the way though. The two final remaining guys were between Jesse and Jason. These two were so entirely different Jesse is really reckless, wild and not well put together. On the second to the last episode even her father noticed that. Then there was Jason, successful, well-rounded, well put together kind of guy, who is mature and ready to start a family. Someone she said she was originally looking for at the start of the show. He was really direct and honest when he met her family, her family loved him and he got her father’s blessing, on the other hand Jesse did not. Her father really drilled Jesse though, talking about what do you do for a living, which was snowboarding and how would that provide for a family. What would happen if he got old and was not able to snowboard anymore and no longer provide for his family anymore and other things like that. You can obviously tell Jesse did not have anything put together. Plus, I feel Jason truly loved her and Jesse thinks he does, but is probably just infatuated with her.

When she actually came down to choosing one over the other, I could have swore she was going to pick Jason but when I glanced at the television screen because I was half on the computer at the time, I see her saying sorry, I’m so sorry. That’s when I started screaming at the television because I was wondering what the freak is she doing? What on earth is she thinking? The ending wasn’t as happy as it was supposed to be, it didn’t feel right at all. As Jason was taken away in the limo and he was sharing what he thought about the situation. I got this quote word-for-world. “She wants safety and security and once you have safety and security you want to live on the edge, and then once you live on the edge you want to go back to your safety and security. The best person is both, the one who has them all. I thought I did. I think I do. God I want to fall in love. I’ve had this huge hole in my heart now for years… I just got hurt again. I’ve had up body armor since my wife left me. I thought it was coming down. Now it’s up. The only for sure thing I have is my little boy.”

What Jason said, really got to me. I want to never be in that situation where I end up turning away someone I really want for someone I think I want. This reminds me of an optical illusion, its all tricks and stuffs. You have to see past them, understand them and work your way through them. So you don’t get tricked into something you’ll regret.

So it’s been a while since I have actually talked about my life. There is so much going on its pretty insane. I am done with drivers ED now but I still need to do a few make up tests, two I think. I also need to finish up my driving hours; I am currently finished up to drive five out of ten. The next drive is on the Tuesday the twenty-ninth at 4:00 to 6:00. I am actually a pretty good driver though there are some things I have to work on. I hope I graduate this, and get my certificate; it isn’t over until I get that.

I am taking Math WASL prep classes now. I passed all parts of the WASL except Math so I am taking this class to help me out. It is ok so far, I am somewhat embarrassed because I think the teacher thinks I am not trying my hardest. She is really nice, but once you’re on her bad side she will keep picking on you, it sucks. I’ve taken three classes so far and these classes are going to continue up until August fourteenth. Anyways, embarrassed myself because I’ve been late for all of the classes so far but it isn’t entirely my fault. The first day I was late, with everyone else because no one knew where they were going. The system they had was flawed, because there were four Math WASL prep classes and I couldn’t find my class so I was about twenty minutes late. Yesterday I do take responsibility for being late but today I was late because they were doing road construction. Tomorrow will be different, I will be on time, I promise. It is really nice seeing a few of my friends at school. Like I saw Rickey the day before yesterday and he is the same bubbly monkey as ever, that hasn’t changed much.

It caught me off guard because he asked me if I am going to Olympic High School full time and I was truly speechless. If I speak my mind, and say no, it would be weird to him and anyone else he would tell about what I am going to do with my life. I just told him anyway, that I am planning on graduation high school early; there is no point in sticking around. Although high school is fun and cool and all, it isn’t as cool as actually getting out there and living life. So I pretty much owned him on that but he still begged a tiny bit for me to stay, but I still refused.

I am nervous going though with my GED, excited but nervous. I know everything will be ok and work out, it always does. I just wish everyone else can understand what I am getting at and all my reasons why I am going to go through with this.

I am also getting my wisdom teeth pulled pretty soon here. Next Thursday is my surgery and I have mixed feelings about it. I would loved to get them pulled because I have to admit my mouth is really sore and those teeth are collecting some dirt that is causing me some bad breath but I don’t want the pain, suffering and bleeding that comes with it. I don’t intend on talking for about the next three weeks after that surgery. I am really glad I had a talk about this with some of my friends, like Robert, that really helped. I remember him saying, screw what the doctor says! Don’t move your mouth if you don’t have to and keep the food away from the gum they pulled it out of. You’ll get food stuck in there and if you keep moving your stitches will fall out and it hurts like heck when they sew it back on. Yeah, thanks Rob. Another reason why I am debating to go back to school is there is a Japan trip this upcoming school year; I’d like to go with all my friends and meet up with Rob or something while I’m there. Since he went back to Japan I haven’t seen him on MSN because of massive time zone differences.

Speaking of travel, my grandmother on my mom’s side died recently, about four days ago. So she left for the Philippines right away, she left yesterday I think. Though, I wish people would hold their sincere apologies, I wasn’t that close to her so I will just take a normal apology. My mom will be gone for about two weeks to plan the funeral. Since she will be gone, my father and I are taking the time to go though the house and trash useless junk that we don’t use. Today we actually cleaned out the whole fridge, stopping all mold in its tracks and throwing out about four garbage bags out of moldy or expired food. This house dramatizes me very much. I hope to have a garage sale for all our junk, hopefully before summer ends and fall starts.

I kind of have a craving to dye my hair. I was thinking of purple tinting but no one understands how elegant it looks, “elegant” not ghetto. Purple is an extremely pretty color and it isn’t going to be bright purple or anything, just a tint of purple. We will see if I can get it tinted when my mother comes back or something. Also there is the issue of money, although my dad has many job offers, they are all too far away. The commute is insane and he rather not put up with it. A job close to home is something he is looking for. I am getting a little worried because of our economy and such; I wouldn’t want to end up like Megan although I see that becoming more of a reality day-by-day but I remain optimistic.

So I’ve been thinking about my love life, as usual. I think I came to a temporary conclusion. I think I need to focus more on my life, and my dreams and goals, and continue putting them in action. As conceited as that sounds, my life really needs to get a move on. It’s been slugging along for far too long and this is my one last shot to get where I want to go. I broke up with Jerry on Friday and I intend to keep it that way for a while and see what time tells about him. The thing he told me yesterday I am really iffy about. A couple of BS flags went up as he said that. I talked to some friends about it and we all came to the conclusion that, it is fact that he over exaggerated, but whether we are over analyzing, this could be a little thing he did that isn’t as big as we think it is, or something really massive that’s hinting me in the long run. Only time will tell, I am patient.

As for Jake, there are so many mixed things. I guess I’ve always liked him and genuinely looked up to him a lot because he works hard and I would say generally optimistic for the terrible situation that he was dealt with. I think I am going to let everything just sit. I also gave him my Xanga a couple of nights ago and he made his own which is awesome.

In some ways I kind of regret giving it to him, because I just need a place for my head, where I cannot be disturbed. I also came to the conclusion, that I have problems like everyone else and that’s ok. I know for sure, by now I have overcame my past and there isn’t anything to seriously wrong with me. I am kept with the happy thought that will never happen again, I know better now. Writing my thoughts and feelings out is probably one of the things I used to get better, to remember my mistakes, analyze them and learn from them. I can say, unlike most people, I know who I am, how I think, how the outcome to something will be before it even happens because I know myself well, possibly to well. I think I am ok with people around me knowing who I am but it is best that I tell them who I am, rather than them reading about me. I feel it’s best that way. I know I am not afraid to let people know the real me but it comes a little bit at a time. I’m in no rush.

This video gives me a super happy, love feeling.

I saw this title previously and it inspired me to ramble about how much I hate how people do not have the slightest clue between joking around and disrespecting someone. To me this generally happens on a daily basis, casually talking to people my age and on occasion people who are older than me. You’re talking and it’s not long before someone throws in one of those jokes that really throw you off. The person who the joke is directed to, and the people who are in earshot of what was just said, usually gets confused and there is usually a brief, awkward pause. It seems that now-a-days no one can no longer tell the difference when someone is seriously insulting them or truly just joking. There is also the problem of the people who said a rude insult and said just joking, laughing but truly and honestly mean it. It is so dang confusing.

All I have to say on this subject is, let’s not confuse the world more than it already is. Speak what we mean and never disrespect people, even if it’s in a joking way. If anyone didn’t notice, the world hurts enough already.

I woke up surprisingly energized and ready to face the day. You would think that I would be tried at least a tiny bit with all these big events in a row but I guess that didn’t happen. I woke up early to go with Cathy to the Seattle Science Museum! I was so excited because I haven’t been there in ages! I showed up the same time as Cathy’s boyfriend Carl, which was a tad late of me because my toaster strudel took a while to toast and I have to admit, it was a little bit of makeup too.

We went on the ferry and just messed around. We were on the front having the wind whip though our hair and enjoying the view. I like having the wind though my hair, it makes me feel carefree and relaxed. I am not sure about Cathy though and Carl doesn’t have enough hair to have it “messy”. We spotted a few sailboats which made my day but none of their sails were up, and that’s the most beautiful part about them! After a while we went inside to just sit, take pictures and play Pokémon.

When we got off the ferry we went to a small Vietnamese restaurant. It was really funny because Cathy was explaining how they only have two bowl sizes, small and large. The thing is the small bowls is already an extra large serving and the large bowl is extremely massive! Carl was able to finish all of his and I finished everything but the soupy part. I was extremely bloated and I regretted it later.

After that we went straight to the Science Museum it was so massive compared to the last time I visited which was years ago! They have so much more exhibits now and one day I wish I had enough time to go though them all. My highlights were when we went into a photo booth and we took some really funny pictures, lifting a small but really heavy meteor, everything in the body exhibit and going to the beautiful tropical butterfly exhibit.

The butterfly exhibit was so beautiful and we took the most pictures in there. They had all kinds of live butterflies flying around. Although, it seemed like all the amazing ones were near the ceiling. I tried to take as many pictures of the cool and interesting butterflies and this is what I got.

We also took pictures of each other near the Koi pond which happened to be in the tropical butterfly exhibit. We all look so cute, don’t we?

So the end to the this perfect day was pretty much sleeping on the long drive back. It was funny because I slept on Cathy and Carl slept by himself or else Cathy’s parents might of beat him up. Haha!

For the fourth of July I woke up at the Great Wolf Lodge because I spent the night over. I woke up early to finish up my quest thing from the night before. My sister was too sore to help me out because we were pretty much running up and down the stairs for about four to six hours. I blew some time waiting for the game to turn on by eating breakfast; I had a lovely bagel which was served by a really nice cheerful lady.

I finished up all my quests when the game turned on at nine o’clock but I didn’t finish all the hardcore adventure quests, or slay the dragon at the end which is kind of bummer but I will be going back again sometime before summer is over. My auntie Mila invited me and Cathy but we will see if I can make it.

It took about two hours to drive home, surprisingly I didn’t fall asleep in the car and I wasn’t doing anything to keep myself entertained. The first thing I did when I got home was to get ready for the Fourth of July party; I was expecting a couple of my guy friends over that I haven’t seen in forever.

We didn’t buy as much fireworks as we did last year, because of money shortage and the recession but we did the same thing we did last year. We had a potluck of food and fireworks, so even though we didn’t have that much separately, we had a fairly good amount all together. I had so much fun! I invited Cathy, Jordan, Chase and he brought his boyfriend Jared, which was cute. They aren’t gay, that’s just an inside joke we have together. Paul came over too which really surprised me, I haven’t seen him in ages!

We talked, ate and messed around singing really weird songs on karaoke. It was Cathy and I verses Jared and Chase but the guys were losing so badly that Paul had to step in and help them sing to get higher points than us, but failed. It was funny because Cathy and I sang Reflection from the Disney Mulan movie in Chinese. Cathy and I know nothing of Chinese what’s-so-ever but we took Japanese and we really winged it, we did pretty well too! We also sung I’m too sexy, by MC Hammer.

After we blew so much time waiting for it to become dark enough, we brought out the fireworks. This year was very interesting, because instead of just our family and friends lighting fireworks and the neighbors across the street, Cathy’s uncle, who lives just right next to me had a party at the same time. So you have three houses so close to each other constantly lighting fireworks. We have unspoken competition against the neighbors, who has the best fireworks. I’d have to say, hands down, that Cathy’s dad rocked socks this year. Even though this was his first time joining the fray, he was pretty hardcore for his first time. He got this really expensive firework that he got from the Indian reservations, called the Viper. It is worth about one hundred or so bucks but he somehow got it for twenty. It was those reloadable ones and it made the biggest and most beautiful displays compared to everyone that was there. I was so impressed but I think it is illegal it take it out of the Indian reservations but everyone does it anyways.
The neighbors across the street looked like they had quite a bit of some fireworks from the Indian reservation too. They were extremely reckless and there were way too many close calls. I was worried for the safety of the people and property. We were lucky this year.

I ended the night very happy that everything worked out, all my friends helped clean up the huge mess of fireworks and my mom’s friends help clean up indoors. I hugged everyone goodbye and thanked them so much for coming. I don’t think I could have asked for a better night than that.

I slept at this massive place called the Great Wolf Lodge.

I woke up really early that Wednesday morning, thank goodness to because I didn’t get everything ready for that day and my mom randomly wanted to go early. Thankfully I got ready on time.
It was a two hour drive to the lodge; I slept pretty much all the way there. I sleep upward in the car now because in drivers ED I learned how much damage it can cause your body if you’re not properly fastened in your seatbelt. It’s pretty disgusting!

The first thing we did when we got there was swim in their big indoor water park. There are so many things to do there! My siblings and I decided to go on the smaller water slides before tackling the bigger one. Then we went straight to the big one with our parents, the wait wasn’t too long and I personally thought the line went pretty quickly.
My siblings and I were able to ride the slide at the same time because they had a four person inflatable doughnut thing. The water slide tunnel was pretty dark for the longest time, and then suddenly there is this huge drop, completely uncalled for and I thought I was going to die! Right after the drop you’re suddenly in huge, striped tunnel and you’re sliding from the far left of it to the far right, really quickly. The tunnel shrinks the farther you go down, kind of like a funnel and thrusts you out really quickly. I loved that ride, it was so amazing! This ride is most memorable, even though we went on some other pretty cool things.

After a few hours at the indoor water park we moved our luggage to our hotel room and for some reason my mom was freaking out the whole time, even though she didn’t help do anything. Its ok, I packed pretty light so it wasn’t much of a problem.

I almost forgot to mention that, you get these bracelets to swim and for your hotel room. The one you get for your hotel room opens your hotel door which I thought was pretty amazing. The yellow one is for swimming and the big orange one is the hotel key. Everyone was pretty much tired, and took a nap. I didn’t mean to take a nap but someone turned on the television and that pretty much lulled me to sleep for about four hours!

I woke up and wandered around, I found a penny squishier machine and I squished it. We shopped around a bit and I bought a pretty cool necklace and then went to the store across called Magic Quest, which is basically a big scavenger hunt around the lodge. You goal is to pretty much find everything the quickest you can and beat out all the other people on the score board, while just having fun. You buy a wand, which you can customize; it registers your name, username and everything you find on the scavenger hunt. I originally started it with both my siblings but my brother got lazy and tired and I pretty much did it with my sister. There is so much running around between stairs, I pretty much ran for about four hours. I got lost a couple of times during the scavenger hunt but I finished all my quests in the booklet and got one of the highest rankings.

I still have some out of book quests, which is in adventure mode and they are a little bit harder. I have yet to slay the dragon at the end; I am kind of looking forward to it. I wonder how some of the younger people get really huge scores!
I may be going back to the Great Wolf Lodge really soon. Cathy invited me to go on the twenty-eighth of this month but I think my other neighbor, Aunty Mila invited me to go as well but I think it is on the same day! She wants me to pretty much baby sit her only son Louie while her and her husband “bond”. I am excited for whatever happens.

The Kitchen Sync concept by Noah Balmer combines computers and online recipes with old-fashioned cookbooks for the perfect way to cook in the 21^st century.

It features a small, flexible, washable screen with a dock. The Kitchen Sync allows you to view recipes online and follow links to buy whatever products you may need to concoct your favorite dishes. It eliminates the need to print out recipes or bring your expensive laptop into the kitchen only to get it covered with food.

Kitchen Sync takes full advantage of its wireless internet connection -besides downloading recipes; you can also chat with other users cooking the same dishes for a richer cooking experience.

Balmer received an International Housewares Association design award for his concept. We hope to see the Kitchen Sync make it to production as it would be an instant favorite of cooks worldwide. More pictures after the jump.

Jerry was trying to message me on pirates and we pretty much we had an argument again because I was trying to resolve what just happened. He is making this really difficult for me because he said that he assumed that I was going to drag that STD conversation out, which I wasn’t. So he just left. When we were talking again I was trying to fish for an apology but I never got one. Either he didn’t get my “hinting” because I recall trying to fish for an apology in the past and he never got them or he felt like there was no reason to apologize to me. I really want to bring it up, in a way, but he is going to freak out again.

I don’t know why he can’t just face it and trying to figure out what I am trying to do. I think the core of the problem is that he doesn’t know me well enough as a friend that we aren’t working out as anything more. I think he thinks we are still dating, because I never formally told him it’s over. I would love to break it off and back track as friends, that actually talk to each other but I think that will end up as him pulling away and giving up entirely, which would be really stupid.

Why is he a generic guy who doesn’t seem to just get it?

I don’t have this problem with any of my other guy friends and I even went out of the trouble to ask a few people if I was easy to understand or not and they said, entirely. So if everyone can understand me then why can’t he.

By the end of this week I need to make a choice because I wouldn’t want to lead him on.

Let him live in a happy lie or lose him to the truth?