It’s 2009 and I am so pumped. I have started a tradition with myself to write down all of my resolutions and a check list of all the things I want to do for the year. Last year I thought was very amazing. I got so much work done and I feel like I am closer to where I belong. I learned in 2008 that you in the end, it is what makes me happy. Not so sound conceited but I have lived a life pleasing other people that didn’t seemed at all pleased when I went out of my way to help everyone, or as much people as I could. I have wasted so much time focusing on how to help other people I didn’t help myself progress in my own life. I have learned you can only help a person that wants help. You can never force help upon someone. So I feel as if I have just begun to live and it feels wonderful.

I will be starting college this Monday and I am so nervous. I think I need to run-down everything on my list to make sure I have everything. I am also wondering do I need to order a text book or something? Most classes have them and I don’t know if mine needs one.

Another thing I learned from last year is not to be overly nice to people because I tend to attract stalkers. I need to learn how to give someone the cold shoulder because I don’t need anything more to hold me down this year. I have actually cut out a lot of people who held me back in life from last year via MySpace, MSN, Aim excreta and it feels wonderful!

If I haven’t already said, I am no longer friends with Alex. I formally confronted him with my issues with him on why I don’t want us being friends. I don’t want to be biased and say I only hang out with certain religious people or beliefs but I find that with anyone who does witchcraft, satanic or any weird voodoo stuff has made weird stuff happen in my life. I no longer have this dark aura in my room; I got rid of it by not being Alex’s friend anymore. It is kind of funny looking back on it but when I was telling him about the dark presence in my room after and how I don’t appreciate him taping into my spirit energy, he offered to help by putting up barriers up for me when I said to knock this stuff off. Ha-ha!

Then I got rid of the sad depressing people who have no direction in life like Dan, Gabe and Sean. Who have very strong stalker vibes and can’t stop bugging me on MSN. Dan is the most depressing because he lives to date people and has defined himself with the people he dates so when they leave him he “loses a part of himself”. I tried to help him out for the two years that I’ve known him but I just gave up. There is nothing that I can say anymore that I haven’t already said. He doesn’t want to change for the better he just likes to think he is but doesn’t put any of the actions with those words. Whatever, regardless there will be no more timewasters in my life and fake people.

So let’s talk about Jerry. I feel really bad that I am keeping him from Cathy in a way but she will nag me about him so I kind of don’t either. I am reading this book called Blink which is pretty much talking about how most people know the answer to certain things but just prolong the truth for whatever reason. Like after a month of dating Jerry, regardless of our friendship in the past, I knew this isn’t going to work. I have a gut feeling about it. Now it is kicking in and it is getting worse. I was doing two things while dating Jerry, killing my conscious and saying everything is going to be all right in the end because he loves me while the other side was screaming saying this isn’t right, this isn’t what you want you’re just going back to what you have been repeating before. Snapping back to the more logical reasoning that isn’t tainted by blind love is Jerry may love me but I don’t think he truly knows what love is.

I find myself always coming back to this verse of Corinthians 13:4 and I found this written out in plain English. Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will be done away with. Where there are various languages, they will cease. Where there is knowledge, it will be done away with. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when that which is complete has come, then that which is partial will be done away with. In the end, I will never really trust him so I will talk it out with him again. The thing that is holding me back is I want someone to talk to at the end of the day that loves me and cares for me. Maybe why I really didn’t break up with Jerry the last time I said I would is because I didn’t write about how I felt every time I wanted to say something. I was holding back writing about stuff in my blog because I thought I was being ridiculous, which I kind of am. I will at least talk him though everything this time, or try to and give a forewarning to my friends that I might need a little extra emotional support. This is the right way to go.

I think after a while I am ready to open up my Xanga again. I think I didn’t like people reading about me losing my sanity because I like to be consistent on my image and habits but then I thought who cares. This is just Xanga there is so much worse things I could be blogging about. Compared to other people I am pretty clean or I try to be anyways. Before I open up my Xanga I want my life back on track, get used to school and whatnot but also because my mom is giving me an extra hard time lately.

So I am excited school starts on January 5^th and I am going into Nursing Assistance. I am a little unsure about being a nurse but my life dream is to help people and do alternative medicine. It is a good way to start off, they pay is really good and it is a recession proof job. I have my schedule all listed out and I am generally going to school four to five times a week. My classes are from nine to four PM. I am really nervous and I hope that I do really well in school. I guess you can say I am tired of failing.

I am going to take the written driving test soon. I am pretty sure I will pass I just need to study.

My Christmas was really great. I was surprised I got quite a bit of things. I didn’t expect to get anything other than what I bought for myself. My highlight gifts were the quilt that my grandma hand made for me. It a truly beautiful and I got to choose the colors which were zebra and pastel pink, purple and blue. I got a really nice set of tea which has eight different teas and it comes in this really cute box. There was this stripped black and white shirt my mom bought for me and really soft plush pajama pants which I love.

What I bought for myself was a trench coat from DELiA*s which I ordered online. I received it today after a long delay with the weather and because it was a back order. I absoutly loved it minus the fact that it didn’t fit the way I wanted it to. I want to get it tailored but it looks like I am going to have to save up myself for that because my mother is not willing to help me in the slightest. I guess I am going to have to use my old jacket from last year. I wish I had a job so I can have that tailored as well as my cute pink dress from Hong Kong. The other thing I ordered was two cute reusable hand warmers. I tried them today and it was amazing. I thought they would last long than an hour but that’s alright.

I also feel a little better in general because I talked to Michael. I was talking to him about me possibly going insane. I want to burst out laughing everything my mother yells at me and I know that isn’t normal. He told me that he is suffering though the same thing as well and it’s a nervous habit that should fade when we move out. So I feel really good that I talked to him about it, to understand it more and now I know I am not alone. He says every time you feel like laughing when you shouldn’t, just do it because it will make everything slightly better. I am a little scared to do that but I should try.

I am sort of opening up with Jerry more, somewhat. In the sense that every time I have a problem I won’t delay on telling him which makes it so much better for the both of us. I told this to Michael but I still personally think my relationship with Jerry won’t last, I truly don’t. I am sure it will end when I ramble about all the things I am looking for in a guy, which I am doing a little by little. I still have difficulty talking to him. It’s not him, it’s me. I get emotional and stuff because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I am getting over that.

I am slowly making a transition into the person I want to be. I am no longer keeping around people who are holding me down from things I want to do and the person I want to be. I have deleted about fifty people off my MySpace and blocked a lot of people on my msn. Those people who are just so much a waste of my time and efforts. I don’t want to sound mean but let me take my friend Dan for example who gets suspended every week, gets straight F’s even when he “tries” and who always starts fights and stuff. I don’t want to be around people like that. I also believe that in some ways your friends represent you. When you meet a nice person, you expect to meet people similar in their friends and not really rude, dirty people. In some ways it is hard to break off contact with people so quickly and swiftly but it must be done.

I should have expected this; my mother went back on her word. I was so excited to get the house all cleaned, organized and stress free but I suppose she is totally unmotivated and “busy” to do anything. I suppose I can’t force someone who doesn’t want to change, to change. I shouldn’t have been too hopeful and now I am so frustrated that I got so excited over something that isn’t going to happen. I think now I will give up on creating my own eBay store because it is not needed. My mom doesn’t intend to help me in the slightest and there is no sense in throwing out all the trash in our house that she doesn’t want to throw away. I suppose I will stay happy, in my own almost effortless clean room and bathroom.

I also have been thinking about the Philippines culture a lot lately. I was thinking how almost all of them are so motivated and they all usually take their education seriously (if they have the money for it). Shouldn’t they be a great nation? What is holding them back? The answer is pride. I was discussing this with a few people recently that Philippino’s can sometimes be very prideful and absolutely blind to the overall big picture. For example, in the general American family culture, is to not make a big deal out of nothing and just do whatever you want to do just as long as you respect your parents and most of their wishes. So when it comes to me asking if I need a fork or a spoon, if I ask my dad or anyone on the white side of my family, for any sort or utensil when they just happen to be in that general area for getting me something, they will get it and I will do that for them in return. Now, if my mother is right in front of our utensil drawer, she will not get it, never ever. Why? Because of her pride and this pride is getting in the way of many things and results in a lot of wasted time and avoidable stress. Not with just forks and spoons but with life in general. Things that could have been done out of a somewhat convenience now has to be a struggle in every way. Also she yells at me for asking while I am getting up and doing it myself and tends to ramble on for about ten minutes or something. It’s ridiculous!

Pride lets them cut corners and when someone cuts corners, someone else gets affected. Since there is a lot of Asians specially phillippinos on the west coast my mom takes advantage of the fact she can get “special treatment” by her fellow phillipinos. This kind of sounds like a cult now but it kind of is actually. If she goes into a store and there is a phillippino cash register lady there, (it is usually a lady, by the way) she will ask what she calls a “phillipino discount”. Then the lady will randomly knock off some of the price or pull out a coupon that she can use that most of the other people will say “sorry we can’t mark anything down without a coupon, you should have one in your mail”. So although she and others are benefiting off this, someone is suffering, somewhere that she doesn’t know about. This can’t be good for our economy.

Here is another example, a perfect example of if you cut corners someone suffers. At my elementary school I used to go to, there are usually two different main courses for your lunch menu. To make sure they can meet the demand for everyone, you sign in under a list of the main dish you want. For example if the choices of the day were pizza and corndog and I wanted a pizza I sign my name down under pizza so they can make sure they have enough to meet everyone’s demand for whatever dish they chose. When you actually get in line to get whatever your wrote down for, everyone would hope you go into the line that you previously wrote down for. When someone cuts corners, like signs up for corndogs and takes a pizza, someone innocent person has to get that corndog because they only have the exact amount of what people asked for. I have been that person who had to deal with what I was given because someone else cut corners and I don’t exactly remember what  I ended up with but I recall that it wasn’t a food I hated so much I didn’t eat my main dish.

Everyday my mother turns on the television to watch the phillippino channel and I see people crying all the time on their game show to have some money to eat, the only thing I think about are the people who cut corners. There are so many people who prosper from it and just as many people who suffer and it makes me so sick. In some ways I just wish I could tell them that they can be a great nation if they stop cheating all the time and follow the few rules that they have. There is no way I can get though to them because pride gets in the way. Pride will stop them from listening to a word a say because they are supposedly better than me to listen and they know it all.

Now, I am not saying all phillippinos are like this. Fourtinately there are phillippinos who do follow the rules and who are kind, educated, patient and hardworking who worked so hard to get to America and continued to work to have the lifestyle of their dreams. Those Asians get somewhere in life. Those are the Asians you see with rich cars and huge houses and do the work to get rich instead of unrealistic dreaming and not working.

I just posted this BENADRYL® Pollen Alert widget for 500 credits. You can earn free credits too!

I am pretty happy I am now eighteen! I don’t feel too much of a difference but I am legal now to do whatever I want? There is nothing I really want to do anymore other than vote but voting is over now.

For my sleep over I had Cathy, Kristen, Krislyn and Keira over. The little inside joke was that everyone at my sleepover started with the letter “K” except Cathy but I said, well her name should start with a “K”! It was so funny because during Jr. High Cathy had to get everyone to spell her name right, for some reason everyone thought it did start with a “K”.

At the sleep over, it was interesting because we talked to Henry on webcam and we discussed “American culture”. We talked about the slang term for “bomb” and how Americans like to bomb which was a hilarious conversation. If you use bomb in a past tense, like “I bombed that test” it becomes negative, which means you failed the test but if you were to say “America is so bomb!” then that just means we are awesome. Cathy made an interesting joke, saying “America is bomb and if you don’t like America then America will bomb you”. Ha-ha, I thought it was funny but a pretty mean after I thought about it.

We stayed up pretty late, watching Twilight on TV-links and that movie sucked. I am in the middle of the third book and although I enjoy reading this cheesy romance I would prefer other books instead. This movie I wouldn’t waste my money on.

I had another combined birthday party with my sister since we are in the same birth month. We generally had about thirty or so guests. I felt a little bad that my sister invited so few friends compared to my fifteen or so friends. I encouraged her over the summer to go out and have fun in the wonderful weather and meet new people. The only time she went out was when Chris invited her with his friends and didn’t make any personal attempts to go out.

At the party we pretty much played video games like DDR, Halo and sung karaoke. We had so much wonderful food; I can’t remember them all but I do remember my wonderful tasting cake. It was a regular vanilla cake with no extra filling. My sister had the same exact thing but in chocolate and for some reason hers turned out way bigger than mine, oh well. I made my wish but I didn’t blow out all the candles, I missed one. Does that mean my wish won’t come true? I suppose it’s just superstition.

I got a lot of wonderful presents. Cathy bought me five Victoria Secret panties; Keira gave me this leopard lock-box with two dots candy and two earrings, Krislyn gave me big card she worked hard on and a watch that isn’t really my style or size, Ashlee gave me Jesus pencil-topper, Chelsea gave me an Aéropostale shirt in my size which made me so happy it fits, Kristen hand made me a tiara and got me a wonderful ribbon to use with my hair, Melissa gave me a monkey DS stylus, Karen my godmother got me tri-Sudoku and a book on Christianity, Mila my neighbor got me a Macy’s gift card, my mom’s friend bought me some really nice make-up and everyone else got me money. I am really thankful all my gifts and cards. My mother gave me a card, which I wasn’t expecting which made me cry really badly. It talked about how much I meant to her and how much she loves me. I think I am going to start putting my cards together in an album. I still have my cards from confirmation and I would love to put those and my birthday cards in an album.

 I am wonder why in all the eight years I have known Michael that he hasn’t bought me a gift or anything for that matter. Not even a card, he had to make one. I don’t want more gifts or anything but I have absolutely nothing to remember him by. I wonder if he is too scared to ask his father for anything.

Recently I’ve noticed that the older I get the more emotional I’ve become. It isn’t a bad thing entirely. Maybe it comes with age? For example, I can just be triggered to cry about something like a drama show because of personal life experience. Like today when I cried about the card my mom gave me a really nice card telling me how much I mean to her. I usually never cry in front of people but I couldn’t help myself.

Kristen got to stay over longer because she always does and her parents work a lot so no one can pick her up. I think she was kind of embarrassed when she stayed longer than she should have because her parents don’t think that we have other things to do. Oh well, it’s fine I don’t mind if she stays longer it isn’t her fault although I do like my privacy sometimes.

So a couple more days until it’s my birthday and birthday party. I pretty excited, more anxious somewhat to get it over with, because it is so much work, I guess. My mom is being a bit of a control freak because I want to help plan my own birthday party but she gets on mad and says fine you plan it all, which isn’t helping anything.

Oh goodness! I cannot wait to be eighteen. Not because I will be legal but so I will be able to have enough freedom to not feel so trapped in this house. After my birthday I will be able to get my full license, assuming I pass the test. Since Cathy knows I am really hunting for a job she says she knows the manager at Aéropostale and says she might be able to hook me up. I told her that I want to work while I am in college, I know I can manage my time to do both but I want it to get it so that I will slide easily into college and still hold up my job, at least for the first week of college.

Memory Classes are confusing. I am trying hard to understand their techniques. Some of them I am really great at and can do with ease but my teacher said it is fine, just as long as you do your best. I really envy one of the guys in the forum who can do everything with such ease. He is probably what they would call one of their “gifted” students and might get to look at the secret forums for “gifted students”. I am going to try and read though his entrees; I might learn a thing or two from him.

I have been trying to keep my mouth shut about complaining about Cathy recently. I don’t want it to back fire at me and I don’t want to contradict myself by saying I care about her and then complain about her. I might just be just acting out a little because it seems like we are spacing apart but I will get over it.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is my tutor. I feel really bad. I felt maybe she didn’t understand my e-mail, I had good intentions. Maybe I didn’t understand her. I don’t know but I hope my brain stops reminding me that I just let it go.

Today I am not lazy to talk about Jerry so hurrah. Jerry and I are still friends, I guess. I think he still thinks we are dating or something. Guys are so confusing, you tell them you’re not dating and whatever your actions are determines if you are or not. This has happened with me before with my very old boyfriend Chris, I asked if we should date and he said no but I stayed nice to him like I always did and he assumed we were dating after he rejected me. Ha-ha!

I think Jerry is very reserved when it comes to his emotions. I would have to say he has come such a long ways from what he was before but he isn’t entirely in a position that I would like him to be. For example with a normal person after dating them for four months you can tell them anything, with Jerry it takes like eight! As I remember in my old entries, is that me and Jerry started a “relationship” and because of that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, did we become friends, which is against my philosophy of dating and relationships. I think you should become great friends before you start dating. As my friend Kristen said it is the foundation of a relationship, without it, it’s pretty much nothing. Which also leads back to an old quote of mine that says “love is friendship on fire” which seems to hold true on my dating experience. I think I would be better off, for example dating my best friend Michael than Jerry because Michael and I have an amazing friendship but that’s just for example. It would put my mind at rest if I was in a relationship like that. Another thing is that I love to talk, about almost anything! Which I can do with anyone but Jerry without it seeming like I am talking to a wall sometimes. He does have his political views, which are very similar to mine but it seems that Jerry lacks a lot of character and personality compared to all my other friends. He doesn’t really multi-task on the phone that much anymore. He does once in a great while but for the most part he has stopped.

It makes me happy because Kristen knows I can do so much better and find someone who I am even more comfortable with. I will look around when I expand my social circle, by getting out more and driving but until then I’ve got nothing new. I do know what I am looking for though. In my mind I am looking for a guy, who just like me doesn’t need someone to complete him because he completes himself. Because I believe that if you complete yourself, not only can you grow by yourself but you can grow along with  another person, whereas, people who need someone to complete them have a more clingy, “you are my life and I need you to live” kind of thing, which I dislike.

I am looking for someone who has bright aura, like a light that shines through them. I have met very few people like this, it is so rare, their presence, something about them make them shine inside and out. I want to meet guy with a passion for life with many different talents and hobbies, who can always encourage me to be a better person, who would never laugh at me but instead help. I could be really generic and say someone nice and kind but that should be a given. It would be nice if that guy would like to live a healthy and active life style. More serious than funny who is humble, hardworking and has a slight expensive taste. Looks wise, I don’t really care just as long as they take care of themselves. I would love a white guy, with Asians and blacks I am a little picky, not to be racist. That’s just what I have noticed I am attracted to. You’ve got to have some physical attraction in a relationship but that’s all for my ramble for now.

Right now I am on the depressed side. I got my WASL test scores back and although I scored higher than all the other times I took it, it wasn’t enough to pass. I took my accuplacer test recently and I didn’t get as high as I wanted. I am content with my English scores though, it isn’t too far down but as for my math, let’s just say it’s very low. I can take courses at the college though even though my results are low so I am thankful for that, I guess.

I think it might take longer than most people, to get where I want to go. I am not giving up though. I am really sad and I might even cry about this later. I just feel really low. For some reason I’ve been really emotional about my life lately because I feel as if I’m in a midlife crisis. I feel as if I haven’t done enough and I am far behind everyone else.

I was looking though the winter course book that just came in the mail, that I was pretty excited for but I am confused and frustrated with it. I want to go through with nursing assistant because I don’t have to go to school for a long time, it is a high demanded job and it pays well. The thing is my friend Kristen and I want to do it but I have to drive quite a distance to drive to take an actually nursing class. On the lighter note gas is a lot cheaper now. Wow, I am so frustrated.

I went shopping with Kristen yesterday. We bought some really cute clothes and accessories. I bought this elegant, flowing, deep purple shirt, a set of pearl earrings and bowtie hair clips. I hope to get a job soon so I can buy more things and control my own money. Our mall is getting a Hollister and Cathy thinks I should apply. I will ask my friend Ronnie about to later tonight, he might hook me up.

My birthday is in about eight days and I am nervous for my party and sleep over. I can’t believe I am eighteen already and I am so unsure of life.

I am having such a hard time with mnemonics; I can’t come up with things for the free association method. I will research that later, I want to get this class finished and over with.

Cathy let me borrow the third Twilight book. I still need to finish the other books I have so it’s kind of weird reading three different books at the same time.

I am too lazy to talk about Jerry right now… so I will write about him later…

So this is a really weird story between me and my tutor. I had my accuplacer test for college recently but it just happened to be on the same time as my piano lessons, so I called her to reschedule my time for later. She seemed a pretty cranky when I called her but she was saying that she has to have a lesson that week because it is the first week of the month that she needs to be paid, money is tight. I understood entirely but we always pay her in full and on time, sometimes earlier if she asked, so there was no reason for her to seem irritated about her pay. I emailed her later telling her that she was being a bit rude on the phone, we would happily pay her, like we always do and if something comes up in my schedule then we will work things out.

There has been so much on my mind lately but I will start off with my library book charges. I knew I was charged for some late fees in the middle of summer. I was just hoping they would go away so I would check on my online account to see if any things change but they didn’t. My total charge was $47.00 because I checked out like ten books and its all ranging from three to five dollar fees. I called up the library and asked if it’s possible to knock down the price a bit and the lady said this is only a onetime thing but I will knock down $25.00 which left me with $22.00 more dollars to go! I told her I was very sorry I let the charges get this high and it won’t happen again, because it seriously won’t.

I told my mom I have a fee because she knew nothing about it and she was freaking out. I said it’s only $22.00 and she acted like we were in a third world country saying that the money is generally the cost to feed me rice for the whole year, which doesn’t make sense. I will pay it off and it will be fine. This is the first time this is happened since I got my card, ten years ago. So I was pretty happy and I am not able to access the library again. I checked out some audio books and eBooks online so I am pretty happy. I also applied to be a volunteer at the library because I know how much libraries are generally underfunded, at least ours is and it’s a place where I would be willing to volunteer.

I am seriously getting tired of volunteering at my church. I have been doing it for so long and I’ve never felt good when I am done working for them. I feel really pressured by my parents as well as whoever is in charge of the event or thing I am planning. Also, when they give you “thank you gifts” they are beyond cheap, not that I am asking for anything expensive but there is no point in giving at all. I generally don’t feel respected at all, no matter how hard I work.

I can easily see myself being more appreciated for working and helping out at the library. It is nice and quiet and maybe be surrounded by intelligent, patient people. My godmother works there and I love being with her so it is also an opportunity to hang out with her. To me, volunteering for the library seems to be a better cause than helping the church because I feel that intelligence can get you more places, although religion isn’t a bad thing and it is good to have beliefs. I might take back the last few sentences I just wrote down… maybe…

Tomorrow I have my accuplacer test for college at 11:00 and I am very nervous. My piano tutor or I will just call her Stephanie because she is in my life so much has been acting a bit rude lately. I know money is tight for everyone but there is no sense in being rude. Maybe she was just trying to be persistent and came off as rude because she doesn’t normally do that? I don’t know but I will talk to her about it tomorrow.

What I really want to write about is the audio book I finished listening to today. The author was generally talking about how much the mind affects us and how successful people have full control over their mind. Not to confuse you with Oprah’s new age junk, that takes it to the extremes. This is not a self centered, the world revolves only around me and you’re always responsible for what happens to you, kind of thing. The few people I have listened to lately on this subject have a more reasonable approach to the mind. Anyways I posted it in my audio section above, hope you check it out and give comments on what you think of it.

Wow, I haven’t written a real entry in a long time. I finally have my own laptop now so I will no longer have any problems delays when I have the urge to blog. I didn’t read my last entry to tell where I last left off so forgive me if I am repeating myself.

I was waiting on my grandma’s money to get a laptop but I suppose I wasn’t clear on how much I actually needed. So when the money came in the mail I was happy that I am closer to my goal but a little bummed that she only gave me $120 dollars when a decent laptop costs about $800. I was really stressed out with college starting up soon and I didn’t have laptop or even a decent internet connection on my house computers. I was so stressed out this one night that I ended up crying to my mom how much it sucks to not do anything productive because I have my memory classes as well as my other work online. I can’t remember what her reply was but I just remember it was lame. I told her that I always work hard but I won’t suck up to you or butter you up, I personally find that very degrading. So I got lucky one day and we went to several stores like Best Buy and whatnot to go laptop shopping.

I knew what I was generally looking for though my mom insisted that I should bring a paper to write stuff down. I ended up at Circuit City and I was impressed with their selection compared to the other stores I went to. I know I said that I wasn’t sure about HP because Cathy’s computer dramatized me because it sucked but I found a wonderful HP computer that fit all my needs and more than the Sony Vaios and the Dell laptops. I am currently on a special edition HP computer. I tried to find it on Google and Cnet but for some reason it doesn’t come up so I am just going to explain its features.

I it’s a HP Pavilion dv5-1159se special edition notebook pc, glossy white and nature inspired, 4GB of RAM, Intel Core 2 Duo T5800 2.00GHz, integrated webcam 3.0 mega pixels, integrated mic, HD screen, with plenty of USB ports and an SD card slot. I am surprised with my little knowledge of computer buying I got a really good computer for only $800. Since my dad knows more about computers than me he was impressed at what I bought. I wanted to make sure this laptop doesn’t die out on me, is able to multitask and is a part gamer computer, which it is. Though, I am using it just for school and work more than fun.