I can’t stop thinking about this video!

Last night I felt that everything was back to normal. I stayed up late talking on the phone to quite a bit of people. I don’t think Rickey cares as much as Devon. I can feel that Devon really cares on what I have to say and how I feel about everything and Rickey seems like he could care less. I just don’t feel it with him and I know I can do better. I was planning on inviting Rickey over to watch some movies with my movie buddies but thankfully Cathy reminded me that I shouldn’t because he makes me feel uncomfortable.

I talked out some things with Aly but I don’t think she gets it. Why she really has to talk to Tolden anyways! I felt I was rambling when I talked to her and if only she knows what I know, about him, about everything because she wouldn’t be in this situation that can be completely avoidable.

I talked to Cathy and Devon last. I asked Devon what annoys him and answer was stupid people. He said there is no way I can annoy him at this point. Aw, sweet! Sadly, he is a tad bit to young for me, bummer! After the three-way Cathy and I talked about our good friend Henry. His birthday is coming up sometime in December, and how his eighteenth should be special. I won’t say what we are planning but it is going to be the most awesome thing ever!

I haven’t had a good internet connection for a very long time. That is one of the reasons I haven’t been posting as much as I should. I hope the internet gets fixed soon because it is really starting to bug me. I am somehow managing on my mother’s really slow computer that probably has a virus on it somewhere.

My grandparents came over yesterday and they look the same as always. They played Wii sports with us and really enjoyed themselves but I dislike the comments my grandfather makes every now and then. He keeps making comments about school and education. Today he said that I should be ready to face the real world, in front of my friends but I was not embarrassed. I don’t think he knows what he is talking about. I am in the real world. I just think I should get him to see that. My sister got her Insight laptop in the mail yesterday and I was so jealous. It is so different than the one Kristen and I had. Her laptop has a fingerprint reader but it isn’t quite set up yet. She doesn’t even have a power cord so she can’t use it much but I am looking forward to when mine will come in the mail.

That same day we got to go squiding. We didn’t catch that much but we still enjoyed ourselves. When Kristen and I were trying to read, there was some poop that came out of nowhere! It landed on my book she was reading it was so sick. We cleaned it off best we can but you can still see the brown stain. The book however, did save her from getting dirty. I think that is lucky and from now on I can never be the same when I am around flying birds. Yuck!

 I took some quizzes at web.tickle.com today. The quiz I took really got to me. I think it was called What Are You Afraid Of? I thought am not afraid of anything! After I took the quiz I guess I was really wrong, I am afraid of something and it seems to be a problem I haven’t thought about in a while, so here is my results.

J-Anne, you are most afraid of moving forward

Have you ever noticed that you’re more concerned about making the “right” decisions than many people around you when it comes to your future? Or do you sometimes worry more than you should about committing to your personal or professional goals or feel anxious that you’ll never really be successful? If so, you’re not alone. There are many people who share your fear of moving forward.

It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of moving forward may sometimes motivate you to take action in a positive way, like by experiencing a wider variety of things than others.

However, fear’s negative aspects can sometimes be more damaging than you realize. Living with fear not only prevents you from living life to the fullest; it can also have a significant negative impact on your energy, health, and your close relationships if not kept in check.

It got me dead on! I have recognized my fears and I am trying to overcome it by trying to find some sort of hobby to get interested in to boost my self-esteem. I have been put down so much that I am afraid of improving myself with something simple as grades. When school year starts I am ready to make that change to improve. I start crying when I improve because I don’t believe in myself but I am ready to grow and make that change.

Today was a pretty busy day that turned out better than I expected! Kristen came over at around nine or ten and I decided to sleep though the cell alarm again but still had enough time to prepare for the day. We went to the commissary, had fun getting all of the ingredients, going home, eating really good food and walking.

I got to show her a really cool pod cast called Family Life. I found out about it though the radio station Spirit 105.3. They talked about why most modern relationships aren’t working, how badly the culture is affecting us and what people are planning to do about it. It was so interesting! I love listening to pod casts!

Kristen showed me some a pretty cool site called skullcandy.com and it was amazing! I may just by my headphones there instead of the three hundred I was going to spend on my Bose ones. She is going to stay for about four days! I can’t believe it! It is going to be really fun and interesting being with someone for that long! I hope she won’t get bored.

My grandparents are going to be here by lunch time tomorrow and I wonder if they changed any since I have last seen them. I miss them a lot! I wonder what we are going to do the whole time they are around because we didn’t fully plan it day by day. I think we are just going to go do whatever we feel like I guess. I also wonder if having Kristen over half the time they are here will make things a bit awkward. Over all I hope everything works out great.

One of the main highlights of the day was watching Memoirs of the Geisha. That movie is so intense! The whole story is such a sad thing to watch but I enjoyed it. The ending was wonderful how she got everything she wanted. I didn’t cry or anything. Instead of eating popcorn and all that unhealthy stuff during the movie we ate a lot of fruits. I thought that was pretty funny.

I woke up at one today because I stayed up so late last night. I woke up to the sound of Chris’s voice yelling at the television because he gets really into Super Smash Brothers Melee. I didn’t mind because I do like waking up to an interesting sound in the morning but I continued lying in bed until I heard the door bell rang. I heard Michael’s voice and then I decided it was time to get up because I said we would walk with each other.

The walk was great but two minutes into the walk we all decided we should invite Donald to go walk with us and he was more than happy to join us. I got to walk about the same amount as last time. I feel the burn in my legs and I am pretty excited on getting my muscle back again.

After the walk we watched Die Hard 4.0 and honestly, I didn’t catch the story line and it didn’t get me all that excited. I did have a fun time eating the junk food Chris and Kevin bought from Wal-Mart. Chip dips is the best thing ever!

I got to see Cathy today and we talked about Rickey and such. I told her my feelings towards him and what happened today. She left in quite a rush though but that is alright. Her new purse is very cute!

The things that stick out in my day so far are the fact that Michael flipped me off for no reason during the movie, which caught me entirely off guard! I don’t intend on talking to him anytime soon about it. I got to talk to Donald for a bit after everyone left and we talked about Michael and Rickey and what he thinks about everything. I love listening to peoples outside options. I won’t say exactly what he said but I found it very helpful and what he told me has saved me a lot of trouble! It’s nice to know friends have your back.

My mother didn’t bother me much today which is always good. Her leg was sprained yesterday and we had to make an emergency trip to the hospital. My dad wasn’t home so our neighbor had to give us a ride there. She is doing better though. That sums up my day, I guess.

Well, I stayed up late on the phone with this guy again and he seems to be very much in love with me. Now, my instincts have been kicking in three days ago about what I should do. I know for one it won’t work because it was a rushed relationship. I talked to him on the phone for a long time late at night almost every night for the last seven days. I went walking with this kid yesterday and I felt weird. I am pretty sure I know what love feels like because I am loved by my family and friends. I am saying this because last night when I was on the phone with him things got really awkward. He said he would be right back and put the phone down; he started talking to me on aim and said that he would cry every night until I am in his arms. I have no idea if he was joking or not but he seemed serious and I took it very seriously. I don’t think I’ll date him. That’s why I keep a day-to-day record of my life. To remember things I should and shouldn’t do. I seem to forget the really important things. He is starting to freak me out. I hope he doesn’t become a stalker because I don’t think I can take that again.

Is it so hard to find just the right guy? Seriously, it isn’t like I am picky, even though some guys think I am lying but I just ask for some basic things like respectful and nice. I can’t wait till April comes back from where ever she told me she was. I really miss her and I have so much to tell her when she comes back. I think it will be funny because the last thing I said was that I am starting to fall for this guy and it seems perfect. Then, when she comes back it will be like, I guess I don’t like this guy after all.

Aside from that, my breakfast was quite unique this morning and I am going to go running here in a bit. I forgot you have to do stretches before you run. I hope today will be better than the last two days.

So I was supposed to wake up at 6:30 this morning but I guess I didn’t hear my phone again. I did manage to get up early enough so I can take my time getting ready. This morning went so slow! I had so much time I loved it!

I had an alright time at the orthodontists. They tightened my invisible braces which kind of hurt a bit. It took forever to get to me though, I happen to sit there for quite a while, just enough to take a quick nap. I saw this Asian kid next to me just get his braces on. Then only till the last second did I just realize it was someone I knew! It was Dean from a freshman dance I went to, sometime in May, I think. I thought it was pretty cool that I could witness him getting his braces in.

After that I went home to clean my room and eat. I got to meet up with Rickey and we went walking for a bit but I didn’t tell my mom I would be walking with him. Since she doesn’t know him she freaked out and interrogated me. It wasn’t all the bad. I got to go to Wal-Mart right after I was done walking with him. My cousin picked me up and we just went. I got some new jogging pants and a cute tiger pen. Sadly it is supposed to light up while you’re writing but it doesn’t for some reason. I need to return that and maybe my jogging jeans because they are a tad but to tight.

The highlight of my day was probably getting my Complaint Free World bracelet in the mail. I waited so long for it! I just can’t believe it is finally here. I ordered 10 of them and five is for my family and the other five is for my close friends.

·         I just got done deleting all my entries because I want to start fresh and new!

I realized I do not like keeping negative entries because that reminds me bad things that happened at that moment. I want to remember the good things that make me happy and not any of my frustrations and arguments. I don’t want to look back thinking that really sucked that day. I want to think about how great the day was! I want to constructively express what is going on with my life whether good or bad, no rambling. If it isn’t constructive there is no point in reading it.

Today was alright. Didn’t go the way I planned but overall the day ended great. We were camping with our new trailer and it is a lot of work to maintain it! Just to park it takes our whole family! Chris and Kevin were in the same park as us without my knowing. They tried to call me to hang out but I left my cell phone at home, bummer! Chris helped us unpack the trailer when we got home and Jamillie gave him his stuffed turtle back. She had to sew him up because most guys can’t sew.

This will be my new xanga from now on.