I feel like shit. I am not one to swear but I can’t find a better word for the moment. I don’t have an entirely good reason. I haven’t done my homework my tutor gave me and I am so disappointed in myself because I seem to do that a lot to her. I also feel stupid, very stupid. I wish I could have good looks and brains but I am just a no good slacker who stresses out a lot about work I should be doing. Maybe if I keep writing about this enough I will actually do it. Who knows? I may feel so pissed I want to study. I am also got done from being sick but I can’t recover because when I go back to the Japanese room the girl coughs around me all over again. Good thing I don’t have school tomorrow.

Why do people say I am “cute” I don’t understand. I don’t try to give off that kind of impression. I used to be sexy a year ago and now I am cute? Is it because I am small? Is it because I say something weird? I prefer to be somewhat on the sexy side but I can’t with these pimples. I am giving myself a really hard time. This long weekend is what I need to chill out for a while.

Dang, I bet I failed that Japanese test but that is alright because it seemed like the room failed with me. We might be able to do a retake. My Japanese teacher isn’t teaching well.

I talked to Dan today and he is wondering why I am picking up on his calls. Well, maybe I have a life other than the phone! Maybe I don’t need to keep track of his life and get on with my own! I have drawn my boundary line out for him as well as everyone, unless they are blind.

I need to stop taking naps and start waking up early. I feel so tired right now it is really hard to focus on stuff. I get less than five hours of sleep because I wake up around five and go to sleep around midnight. My bed is uncomfortable for some reason, I wish I could just trade beds with my sister or something.

On the somewhat happier note, I got my eBay shoes in the mail today but it wasn’t what I entirely expected. It is ever-so-slightly big for me but I just need to tweak it a bit. I need new arches and why are people’s feet so big? Sometimes I wish that my feed were bigger so I can fit into more shoes but I guess I like size.

I got something for Donald today. It kept me from being depressed today because it is so funny.

Anyways, what I am trying to say in this whole entry is how come I suck so much and why on earth do people still give a flick about me? I won’t die, I’ll just be really sad today until I get a good rest. Then I will be happier in my future entries.

Did you know I can’t spell worth crap? Just saying.

I haven’t written anything for a while. Well, there are a lot of things that happened. I got sick on Friday probably from the girl that sits a few seats behind me in Japanese class. I also got my WASL scores back and I failed again! I failed reading and math. I did excellent on the writing part and I couldn’t even pass reading? I suck at math, but my tutor is helping me though that issue. Honestly, am I that stupid? I can’t believe this and I don’t suck at reading! I understood the story and the question that was being asked afterwards. I just can’t believe this because I really don’t want to take the test again!

Stephanie comes over on Thursdays to help me on math and we just did a really quick review. I can’t wait till she comes over this week because I forgot to give her my present from the Philippines. For some reason it is kind of awkward between us, maybe it’s because I haven’t seen her in a year.

Donald’s birthday party was on the 22^nd and I couldn’t go because I was sick! I am thinking of doing something for him later but I won’t say what it is because he reads a lot of my blog entries. On Friday I got to see his epic transformers shirt! I thought at first since it was a light up shirt it would be a little cheesy but it didn’t turn out that way at all! I only found out yesterday he got it from one of my favorite websites ever!

Thinkgeek.com

They have the coolest junk ever! I need more money! Speaking of which, since my school work is going very well I am probably going to get a job soon! Money and thinking about my soon-to-be freedom is my motivation! That will be fantastic! I keep rambling about moving out but it is so close to actually happening. I want to move out when I am twenty because eighteen isn’t stable at all. I was reading a blog recently about what is the best part about living alone. This inspired me to write a list of things why I want to live alone, or away from my parents.

My reasons to live alone

·         Freedom to do what you want whenever you want.

·         Not having to clean up after other people.

·         Full control of the remote.

·         Having control of the fridge, what to buy and what to eat.

·         Blasting music and not worrying about bothering someone.

·         Always having time to read.

·         Having friends over without any arguments.

·         No more nagging parents.

·         No more stress.

·         Efficient organized space with beautiful decorations.

·         Always having the cap on the toothpaste.

 Heck Yes! This may seem like I am being really wild and maybe reckless right now but I am not a crazy party pig. I don’t smoke or drink and do not intend on starting at all. I do not like to throw wild parties like most people my age would. I keep myself really disciplined, organized and productive. I will eventually like to have a roommate down the road but I think I would want to live by myself for a really long time. Gosh, I sound so conceded right now!

I am getting really mad at Dan lately because he calls me way too much! I have told him to stop or slow down but I don’t think it’s worked much. I basically have been annoyed of my cell phone calls taking up my life. I don’t mind getting a call once, twice or maybe three times a week but more than that makes me get irritated. He also has nothing really important to say. I like when people have something important to say or I am catching up with them to see how they are doing, or maybe if they are having a bad time then I am fine with that to. I think Dan uses me as someone who keeps track of his day-to-day life. I’m not a journal.

My happy mood was ruined by this girl named Krislyn. This girl always finds a way to push my buttons and I wonder if she is doing it on purpose. Today she asked a simple question, how many classes are you taking here. I replied one, for now because it clashes with my mom’s work. She says oh but what she means is that’s retarded your stupid. I corrected her because I knew what she was thinking and I said that wasn’t my only language class I took, I took Spanish before and I didn’t like it. Then she said well Spanish is easy and I said it’s because we are Pilipino, they are based off of each other. Then she started arguing and proved my point saying that some of the Pilipino words are Spanish and all the basics are Spanish and she left. She is so stupid, I don’t even speak my own language and I know that.

Oh, did I mention I don’t have writers block anymore?

The launch date for the Zune 2 has supposedly been confirmed. October 16 will be a glorious day where we’ll see those pink, green, red, and black Zunes in 4, 8 and 80GB flavors. The ‘leaked’ pics are an accurate representation, but we’ll still see the double-shot casing and it might not be so shiny. The navigation circle has been replaced by a ‘squircle’ with no center button. It’s all very exciting isn’t it? check out the full transcript between Zune Scene and their source.

ZuneScene: So how are the new Zunes coming?
Source: Good, the Zunes are now in PV
ZuneScene: What’s PV?
Source: Product validation
ZuneScene: So do you expect to release in October or November?
Source: October
ZuneScene: Do you have a set release date?
Source: Right now we are gunning for Oct 16th
ZuneScene: What about the pictures leaked on the internet, are they real?
Source: what pictures?
ZuneScene: They show the flash Zune you call draco in pink, red, and black with no chrome bezel around the LDC screen
Source: sounds right, do they show the squircle?
ZuneScene: What’s that?
Source: The new button is like a square or polygon with rounded edges, it’s not a perfect circle
ZuneScene: Yes, the pictures show that.
Source: It doesn’t have a center button, but it has a dome underneath so you can push it from any side, its really cool. If the pictures show the squircle they are correct.
ZuneScene: Are the back and play buttons positioned like Mickey Mouse ears?
Source: Yes, on the small Zune they are. On the big one they are on the sides.
ZuneScene: Will there be green along with red, pink and black? The picture doesn’t show green.
Source: Yes the green looks like an old army jeep green, the pink looks like pepto bismol.
ZuneScene: What about the big zunes, the scorpios?
Source: Scorpio looks like the original, but with the squircle.
ZuneScene: iPod announced a 160gb model, will there be a 160?
Source: Right now we just have the 80, but more will come later I’m sure. If you are into video, you will want a Zune. The displays are awesome on the new Zunes.
ZuneScene: Is the Zune phone next?
Source: I’m not sure about that.
ZuneScene: So there is no Zunephone?
Source: well, I didn’t say that
ZuneScene: well, it’s not in production?
Source: it’s not in production.
ZuneScene: So there is no decision to make it?
Source: not yet, as far as I know.
ZuneScene: OK, well this is good stuff, thanks!
Source: sure, thanks for the call.

MS: Zune 2.0 to arrive in time for Xmas

By Tony Smith

23rd July 2007 08:43 GMT

Microsoft has confirmed it will detail its second-generation Zune media players in time for the Christmas sales season. Speculation as to what the software giant will announce currently centres on a higher capacity hard drive model and a cheaper, Flash-based Zune.

According to blog Whizbyte, an MS representative emailed it to say: “Zune follows the cycle of the consumer electronics cycle so you can expect an update later this year prior to the holiday season.”

The US holiday season covers not only Christmas but also November’s Thanksgiving break, a key point for consumer electronics purchases.

This makes me excited that it may be coming out around Christmas. I am happy that I finally have a date to look forward to. I wonder if it will have a larger color selection and have more supported files. They aren’t saying much about it right now.

I have been thinking of getting a new music player for quite some time now but I can’t really think of that to get. Honestly, I am not an ipod fan. I try to keep my options open to all the other possibilities. I simply want a music player mainly for my podcasts, music and video. I have been researching a lot on what people think and what would be my best option; when I looked on Cnet.com they said the best music player is a 30gb Toshiba Gigabeat S.

I like this player but unlike Zune and ipod, they don’t have their own online music store. I don’t know what they are compatible with, can they use Rhapsody? I like the music that Rhapsody offers. I used to be a Napster user but I was very disappointed after some time I noticed they mostly have main stream American music. I have a very random selection of music so it really irritates me when I do not have access to most of my favorite artists. I have browsed Rhapsody’s music selection a bit and I was pleased to find my uncommon techno music. I couldn’t find any of these on Napster, last time I checked anyways and I would get a Toshiba but think it’s ugly.

My problem with iPod is their famous touch keys. I have held an iPod many times I just don’t like how you use that to access music. I prefer traditional clicking like the Zune and Gigabeat. I don’t like how it doesn’t have a radio and you can’t change the background, unless you download a special program to it. I don’t dislike iPods entirely, I do like their podcast features and how many files they support compared to the Zune. I am a huge podcast lover and that reason alone makes me hesitate when I want to by a Zune. Unlike most people I do like the thickness of the Zune. The iPod is really thin, like a shiny piece of glass, I am afraid it will break.

I am not a big fan of the iPhone either. I don’t like combining cell phones with music players. What if you listen to your music a lot and your batteries die, not only does it cut you off from your music but your also cut off of your phone. That’s a bummer especially if you’re a person who takes a lot of important calls throughout the day. I travel a lot and on the air planes they have a rule saying that you shouldn’t have cell phones on at any time. It might be something to do with the signals. Won’t your cell phone/music player be looking for a signal or can you turn that off? I am not completely against cell phone/ music players because my dad has a Sprint Upstage. I like that phone because the music player and phone are on separate batteries. So when his music goes out he still has a phone.

What about the touch screen? What if you dropped it and the touch screen gets scraped? Wait! What if you sat on the touch screen, would you get electrocuted and die? If anyone knows the answers to my stupid questions please leave a comment or something. I really want to know if it is breakable.

I might wait till the Zune updates itself one more time before I get one. I don’t like waiting around though. I know Zune will do way better next time around, I just have to wait. I will never be desperate enough to get an ipod. I’m never going to pay 99 cents per song! Zune also has a subscription thing so if you don’t want to pay 78 cents per song at the Zune marketplace you can subscribe for unlimited songs for about $15 bucks a month. Awesomeness!  So my ending conclusion is Zune ftw!

Here is some awesome Zune themes I found!

I think I should be more conscious of how much time I am wasting. I procrastinate a lot and I am not proud of that at all. If I really want to graduate next year I really have to apply myself. I wish I knew what motivates me, and then life would be so much easier. I can’t imagine myself graduating, I just can’t. I’ll just study my heart out and hope for the best. I don’t want to be one of those kids who get stuck in high school for the rest of their lives.

I am going to make another change. I want to stop rambling about unnecessary things. It seems like for the past week I have been getting way too detailed about my mundane life and it was starting to annoy me. Yes, I do annoy myself, and occasionally I listen to myself talk. It sounds like a very funny but sometimes when you think about what you do, or say, you will come up with your own answers and know yourself better. That’s maybe the reason I am more emotionally stable compared to most people.

I got a surprising call from my old tutor yesterday. It has been about a year since I last saw her and I really missed her. I really owe her a lot because she got my writing level from nothing, to grade level in only a few months. She says she has a new way to get my basic math down. I am so excited to see what she has for me! I still have some books from last year I forgot to return to her. I still haven’t read it and I don’t think I really plan to. One of the books she let me borrow was The Screw Tape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Is that book any good? I keep hearing it is.

In Japanese class we got to practice greeting and business cards. I actually had a lot of fun with that. I have to remember how to respectfully take and present business or name cards. When Japanese people introduce themselves they go by title, or rank. This is how a conversation might go.

Hajimemashite, Olympic koh-koh no Carlson des(u).

Japanese use last names to introduce themselves. I think they use first names when you’re more acquainted with the person. In English I just said, Hello pleased to meet you. I am Carlson from Olympic High School. I also learned you only say “desu” when you’re trying to be formal and use “des” if you are informal. After my introduction my partner named Jordan introduced himself. Then I said…

Kore, watashi no meeshi des(u).

Basically meaning, here is my card. They take this very seriously but I have to hand out my card respectfully and bow as they accept it, making sure that the words are readable towards them for easy reading. You also have to be very careful how you take your card out. You cannot put your card in your front or back pockets at any time. Guys have to use their front shirt pocket or ladies have to use their purse. If you have neither of these then you’re basically screwed. Your card represents yourself and your life. If you pull out your card from your back pocket it basically means you don’t care.  Then we say thank you in Japanese.

Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu.

Overall today was great! I am getting ready to study American Literature now, the story doesn’t catch my attention so it is really hard focusing on something that isn’t interesting. I have about seven days of home school study to catch up on but I’ll be fine. Rickey almost went through my Japanese notes. I get embarrassed when people look at what I write. I might let him look though my notes tomorrow if I am in a good mood.

Peppermint Ice Cream
This ice cream uses crushed peppermint candies to flavor the ice cream, instead of the peppermint extract many recipes call for, which I never have on hand. Adapted from Emily Luchetti.

2 cups heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp cornstarch
28 hard peppermint candies, 14 finely crushed, 14 coarsely crushed
pinch salt

1. Combine the milk, cream, sugar, cornstarch, salt, and finely crushed candies in a saucepan. Stir well to dissolve the cornstarch. Cook over low heat, stirring so that the sugar dissolves, until it begins to bubble around the edges of the pan and thickens ever-so-slightly. Remove from the heat and chill in an ice bath. Transfer to the refrigerator and chill completely (at least 2 hours).
2. Strain the custard, then churn in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s directions. Add the coarsely crushed peppermint candies at the very end of churning. Store in the freezer.

I am craving ice creme for the moment. This recipe does not belong to me. I just got it off the internet.

http://www.tastespotting.com/

I am really tired right now. I went to bed late last night, for no reason. I could have slept if I wanted to but I choose not to. I am trying to adjust to my new schedule and my mother is impressed that I am actually awake and ready to go all the time. I normally sleep in but I keep telling her I can wake up really early on time if I have something to wake up to.

Japanese class was fun today. I brought my own GameCube controllers so I can play SSBM before class starts. I was supposed to play with Rickey but he didn’t show up soon enough; I didn’t mind because I got to play with Cathy and we kicked everyone’s butt, everyone seemed impressed. I got to see Donald three days in a row, meaning he has my respect for him back. I got to call Donald Panda-Chan today; it’s an awesome nickname I came up for him.

 I have a feeling that some people in my Japanese class stay away from me because I hang out with Rickey Stover. Sometimes I see some of my classmates stare at us in the corner of my eye. It doesn’t bother me much, it is all gossip. I shouldn’t let some things that other people say get in the way of my friendship with Rickey. I don’t really care until he will do something to me directly but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Dan is having a hard time deciding what he should say to his girlfriend. I told him to write a paper on what he was thinking of saying and I will look at it. Instead of writing about his girlfriend he just talked about our friendship that caught me entirely off guard. He said that he really likes me but he understands that I just want to get to know the person before I date them, he respects that. I don’t know what to think of that. I would write back but I can’t come up with the words on paper. I have only recovered from writers block enough to write in xanga, other than that I cannot write at all. Writers club is coming up next week so this is going to be somewhat interesting.

 I am really starting to think that Cathy doesn’t like any of my friends at all. She can’t even put up with them, or even start small chit-chat. She left me in Japanese room for a while, I didn’t mind entirely but it seems like she was forcing herself just to sit in that room, even though no one was bothering her.

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don’t want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that isn’t as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they’re amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who’s brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

I am having a little bit of writers block. I have been like this for a few days and I don’t know why. I tried to write but I was never really inspired, I am not even inspired now.

On Friday night I talked to Dan. The conversation was more interesting than usual, he was having girlfriend problems but it is way more complex than that. I helped him out and was there to listen to his venting. He was a little bit frustrated on why his relationships never work out. He treats girls right and everything but they don’t really treat him the same back. That’s when I remembered an old quote that helped him out as well as myself. The quote may be familiar to some MySpace users.

That’s when I found my relationship answer. I was so happy reading it over again. There is nothing wrong with me, I know that now. It just took me a while to finally get it in words.

Youth Convention is already scheduled for the third and fourth of November! The theme this year is, Listen Up! Answer the Call. When I talked to Dan that night, he asked what makes me complete. Youth Convention makes me complete! It is one of the reasons I am an active Catholic today. Yeah, I am struggle with it sometimes but I would never give up on it. I mostly struggle with it because my parents are Catholic but sometimes they don’t act like it. My mom is Asian so she gossips and is very negative, which impacts me a bit but I try not to let what my parents say get to me.  Anyways, right when I come out of convention I will be refreshed and I can’t wait to get that good feeling again! April and I were betting on what the color shirts are going to be this year. I bet Orange while she bet Purple! Let’s see who wins!

I got Brain Age 2 yesterday. I normally would be thrilled at something like this but I have been discouraged a lot since my dad came over this weekend. I got the game at an amazing price, less than twenty dollars, the original price is about thirty or more. My parents must have thought their beloved favorite child (not me) wanted it, so they bought it. My sister always spends her money on games or just ask my parents, on the other hand, when I get money I use it for more realistic things like clothes. I would always play my sisters games but they were never mine. I never really wanted a game so badly but when I got it I had to say, “yes, finally my very own game!” a few times. My parents seemed a little mad when I said that because they said I don’t think that’s true, but it is. My sister who keeps track of our games just realized this only when I said it yesterday.

My dad also got mad when he found out that I am taking Japanese. He wanted me to take something like German or Spanish. I simply told him I would actually use Japanese often because I watch Asian drama. There are a lot of cool things that come out in Japan and I don’t want to wait a few years until they translate it.

These adorable things are going to take over the world! I want one!