August 4, 2011
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I hate nights like this when thoughts of you keep me up at night. I know I have so much to do early in the morning and I can’t sleep, I’m trying anyways. I am wondering if “friendship” really is the best for us. You fought for it so I gave it to you. I know when it comes down to it I am going to hate hate hate when I see another girl by your side that is not me. Someone who will replace me and go all the places that we’ve been together. Would you show her all the things you showed me? What will happen to all the things I loved that still leave lingering memories in your house. These things I know I’ve left aren’t worth a lot but they meant a lot to me. My robe which I treasured, will it be used for someone else or have you already thrown it out? I know that I still have some lingering hair bands in odd-ends of the house and in your car; perhaps you still have my red lipstick I’m missing because I still can’t find it… I am secretly wishing your holding on to these things for if I come back someday but I know this is all in my psychotic head. These is no place for me there and my items are gone. I hope you don’t return them to me either because I think it will just cause me to go insane because it will remind me of you. I don’t need this right now. I want to sleep. Which also makes me wonder… If you have found a playmate to keep you company at night or you’ve already have someone else that catches you eye that’s better than me… Ugg, my mind frequently wanders to these dark places which I know is not healthy for me. I am numb. The pain isn’t as strong as it was about a week or two and I know it will be just a while longer till the pain completely subsides. The only thing I can do is ride out this storm.
