November 8, 2011
-
Broken Promises
I’ve been rather irritated lately about something in particular lately. I was at a happy point in my life (mentally) where I kept all my attitudes positive and there was nothing getting in my way. Recently my friend at school reminded me it was my ex-best friend’s birthday that day which happened to be October twenty-fifth. I totally forgot about her, for the most part until she brought that up and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Life was peachy-keen, as I thought and now I have been brain ninja’ed [Dane Cook]. Now my brain is exploding!!!
Since then I’ve been wondering about how she is doing in college. What is her life like now and what kind of adventures she has been on? I wonder if she ever wonders about how I am doing? Probably not.
I get so frustrated when I find myself in this position again because I know there is no use talking to that damn woman because she is exactly like my mother. You try to communicate with her and try to find a common ground to build upon a healthy relationship but they don’t even get that far. I keep reminding myself that it isn’t worth it.
I have to frequently remind myself of the times I put myself out there and I tried to communicate that I am sad or frustrated about a certain situation or something she has done to me but it doesn’t go through to her. I remember the last time I tried to be friends with her I said I will only be in a friendship with you if you promise me that you will always communicate your problems to me as they come up. I remember towards the end I tried to talk to her about listening to me more because I was frequently repeating myself over and over again but she got mad and started mocking me about not listening to her when I did. So I broke it off. I realize that sometimes she doesn’t remember what she tells who to and commonly forgets whether she tells me something or not.
Regardless, to this day I will miss playing SSBB, DDR and talking about asian drama, boys, friends and makeup with her but there is nothing I can do about it. The past is in the past and that is that.
I care too much about people so I think that is why I have a hard time letting things go [if I can avoid it] and what sucks is I know that if she were to ask me to be friends again I would accept her with open arms. I kinda dislike how forgiving I am but it is my nature.
