December 30, 2008
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Christmas & College
I think after a while I am ready to open up my Xanga again. I think I didn’t like people reading about me losing my sanity because I like to be consistent on my image and habits but then I thought who cares. This is just Xanga there is so much worse things I could be blogging about. Compared to other people I am pretty clean or I try to be anyways. Before I open up my Xanga I want my life back on track, get used to school and whatnot but also because my mom is giving me an extra hard time lately.
So I am excited school starts on January 5th and I am going into Nursing Assistance. I am a little unsure about being a nurse but my life dream is to help people and do alternative medicine. It is a good way to start off, they pay is really good and it is a recession proof job. I have my schedule all listed out and I am generally going to school four to five times a week. My classes are from nine to four PM. I am really nervous and I hope that I do really well in school. I guess you can say I am tired of failing.
I am going to take the written driving test soon. I am pretty sure I will pass I just need to study.
My Christmas was really great. I was surprised I got quite a bit of things. I didn’t expect to get anything other than what I bought for myself. My highlight gifts were the quilt that my grandma hand made for me. It a truly beautiful and I got to choose the colors which were zebra and pastel pink, purple and blue. I got a really nice set of tea which has eight different teas and it comes in this really cute box. There was this stripped black and white shirt my mom bought for me and really soft plush pajama pants which I love.
What I bought for myself was a trench coat from DELiA*s which I ordered online. I received it today after a long delay with the weather and because it was a back order. I absoutly loved it minus the fact that it didn’t fit the way I wanted it to. I want to get it tailored but it looks like I am going to have to save up myself for that because my mother is not willing to help me in the slightest. I guess I am going to have to use my old jacket from last year. I wish I had a job so I can have that tailored as well as my cute pink dress from Hong Kong. The other thing I ordered was two cute reusable hand warmers. I tried them today and it was amazing. I thought they would last long than an hour but that’s alright.
I also feel a little better in general because I talked to Michael. I was talking to him about me possibly going insane. I want to burst out laughing everything my mother yells at me and I know that isn’t normal. He told me that he is suffering though the same thing as well and it’s a nervous habit that should fade when we move out. So I feel really good that I talked to him about it, to understand it more and now I know I am not alone. He says every time you feel like laughing when you shouldn’t, just do it because it will make everything slightly better. I am a little scared to do that but I should try.
I am sort of opening up with Jerry more, somewhat. In the sense that every time I have a problem I won’t delay on telling him which makes it so much better for the both of us. I told this to Michael but I still personally think my relationship with Jerry won’t last, I truly don’t. I am sure it will end when I ramble about all the things I am looking for in a guy, which I am doing a little by little. I still have difficulty talking to him. It’s not him, it’s me. I get emotional and stuff because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I am getting over that.
I am slowly making a transition into the person I want to be. I am no longer keeping around people who are holding me down from things I want to do and the person I want to be. I have deleted about fifty people off my MySpace and blocked a lot of people on my msn. Those people who are just so much a waste of my time and efforts. I don’t want to sound mean but let me take my friend Dan for example who gets suspended every week, gets straight F’s even when he “tries” and who always starts fights and stuff. I don’t want to be around people like that. I also believe that in some ways your friends represent you. When you meet a nice person, you expect to meet people similar in their friends and not really rude, dirty people. In some ways it is hard to break off contact with people so quickly and swiftly but it must be done.
