November 24, 2008
-
Browsing For A Guy, Kinda
So a couple more days until it’s my birthday and birthday party. I pretty excited, more anxious somewhat to get it over with, because it is so much work, I guess. My mom is being a bit of a control freak because I want to help plan my own birthday party but she gets on mad and says fine you plan it all, which isn’t helping anything.
Oh goodness! I cannot wait to be eighteen. Not because I will be legal but so I will be able to have enough freedom to not feel so trapped in this house. After my birthday I will be able to get my full license, assuming I pass the test. Since Cathy knows I am really hunting for a job she says she knows the manager at Aéropostale and says she might be able to hook me up. I told her that I want to work while I am in college, I know I can manage my time to do both but I want it to get it so that I will slide easily into college and still hold up my job, at least for the first week of college.
Memory Classes are confusing. I am trying hard to understand their techniques. Some of them I am really great at and can do with ease but my teacher said it is fine, just as long as you do your best. I really envy one of the guys in the forum who can do everything with such ease. He is probably what they would call one of their “gifted” students and might get to look at the secret forums for “gifted students”. I am going to try and read though his entrees; I might learn a thing or two from him.
I have been trying to keep my mouth shut about complaining about Cathy recently. I don’t want it to back fire at me and I don’t want to contradict myself by saying I care about her and then complain about her. I might just be just acting out a little because it seems like we are spacing apart but I will get over it.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is my tutor. I feel really bad. I felt maybe she didn’t understand my e-mail, I had good intentions. Maybe I didn’t understand her. I don’t know but I hope my brain stops reminding me that I just let it go.
Today I am not lazy to talk about Jerry so hurrah. Jerry and I are still friends, I guess. I think he still thinks we are dating or something. Guys are so confusing, you tell them you’re not dating and whatever your actions are determines if you are or not. This has happened with me before with my very old boyfriend Chris, I asked if we should date and he said no but I stayed nice to him like I always did and he assumed we were dating after he rejected me. Ha-ha!
I think Jerry is very reserved when it comes to his emotions. I would have to say he has come such a long ways from what he was before but he isn’t entirely in a position that I would like him to be. For example with a normal person after dating them for four months you can tell them anything, with Jerry it takes like eight! As I remember in my old entries, is that me and Jerry started a “relationship” and because of that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, did we become friends, which is against my philosophy of dating and relationships. I think you should become great friends before you start dating. As my friend Kristen said it is the foundation of a relationship, without it, it’s pretty much nothing. Which also leads back to an old quote of mine that says “love is friendship on fire” which seems to hold true on my dating experience. I think I would be better off, for example dating my best friend Michael than Jerry because Michael and I have an amazing friendship but that’s just for example. It would put my mind at rest if I was in a relationship like that. Another thing is that I love to talk, about almost anything! Which I can do with anyone but Jerry without it seeming like I am talking to a wall sometimes. He does have his political views, which are very similar to mine but it seems that Jerry lacks a lot of character and personality compared to all my other friends. He doesn’t really multi-task on the phone that much anymore. He does once in a great while but for the most part he has stopped.
It makes me happy because Kristen knows I can do so much better and find someone who I am even more comfortable with. I will look around when I expand my social circle, by getting out more and driving but until then I’ve got nothing new. I do know what I am looking for though. In my mind I am looking for a guy, who just like me doesn’t need someone to complete him because he completes himself. Because I believe that if you complete yourself, not only can you grow by yourself but you can grow along with another person, whereas, people who need someone to complete them have a more clingy, “you are my life and I need you to live” kind of thing, which I dislike.
I am looking for someone who has bright aura, like a light that shines through them. I have met very few people like this, it is so rare, their presence, something about them make them shine inside and out. I want to meet guy with a passion for life with many different talents and hobbies, who can always encourage me to be a better person, who would never laugh at me but instead help. I could be really generic and say someone nice and kind but that should be a given. It would be nice if that guy would like to live a healthy and active life style. More serious than funny who is humble, hardworking and has a slight expensive taste. Looks wise, I don’t really care just as long as they take care of themselves. I would love a white guy, with Asians and blacks I am a little picky, not to be racist. That’s just what I have noticed I am attracted to. You’ve got to have some physical attraction in a relationship but that’s all for my ramble for now.
