November 10, 2007

• What’s the big deal?

  I am not in a good mood because my mother never lets me use my free time the way I please. Friday she cut off my internet for no reason and this morning I woke up to her ugly voice telling me to get ready to leave to get the flu shot, once I was up she changed her mind and said we weren’t going. Before she said she wasn’t going Cathy invited me to go to the mall so I had to turn her down, knowing I was going to get the flu shot but neither of the two is happening. While she was yelling at me in the morning she said that my jacket will be my birthday present which brought me to my current depressed state. She always buys me stuff to live and she refuses to get me anything else. I thought maybe I could get my music player but I suppose that won’t be happening at all. She complains that I always ask her for stuff, which is true to an extent, I always ask her things like clothing and things to organize the house, basically all the stuff I need but she always says no. So I never get anything but she always complains how I always ask or things but I said I never get anything so what’s the problem?

  She should have bought me a jacket anyways because I am really cold in the morning. It gets around forty to fifty degrees over here! I’ve only asked her for things I need all year, what is the big deal? We aren’t poor or anything. She is so stupid. Here is the thing I hate most; while I don’t get anything my sister gets everything. It’s because she is the “good” daughter, so therefore I am automatically the “bad” daughter and no matter what I do I cannot get out of this title that they have given me. My sister isn’t all that great, and when she does something bad it isn’t a big deal. I’ve been good all the time and they don’t say anything but when I do something little like forget or didn’t know about something I should have done, they nag about how bad I am. It is really hard to get out of titles that your parents randomly give to you.

  My birthday is coming up and I don’t know if I should even celebrate it. I don’t want to be sad on my birthday and my mom is being really retarded about it. First she said how about you don’t have a birthday and give all the money we would have spent on the party on charity for the church. I was like, NO! Then she said it’s going to be such hard work even though we all know she doesn’t have to cook because we always order and I end up cleaning the house anyways. What is the big deal?

  Yesterday I promised to call Mark at 4:00 but I couldn’t because of my mom’s impulsive planning. We went to church instead for adoration, which was only supposed to be an hour but ended up to be two hours. I like church and I like God but my brother wouldn’t shut up, so I didn’t enjoy it at all. When I got to talk to Mark it always seems like he is scattered brained. Like he doesn’t know what on earth he is doing and he is always in panic mode. It also takes him forever to get though a story with a simple point to it. I missed the way he used to be, when he was sane. I know he’s had it hard and everything and he doesn’t talk to anyone but me and Michael, which is once a month or less but I am getting tired of dealing with depressing, annoying things like this. I talked to Dan yesterday and we talk everyday which is nice but it is annoying because all he talks about is how his relationships isn’t working. It is one of those stupid situations which is completely avoidable and yet the person won’t get over it and move on. I think I want to take a vacation from my cell phone, for a few weeks or something because all it does is piss me off. I need to distance myself from these kinds of people who are always negative and make friends with people who are more positive and will get me somewhere.

  Last weekend Cathy was mad when she read my blog because I wrote some things about her that she didn’t know about. On the happier note we talked it out and I said I would talk to her about things that bothered me if she would listen and work things out. So I thought that was pretty cool and so with that said; we shouldn’t have many problems in the future.

  School is very stupid. My homeschooling thing is going decently well but my Japanese class sucks. When I compared my Japanese class to my friends’ Japanese class I seem to know absolutely nothing compared to them. I only know all 46 hiragana characters and that’s it, no sentences, I can’t speak anything. While he is doing almost everything! I’ll manage somehow but it is frustrating.

  • 4:02 pm
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