November 6, 2007
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Does He Love Me?
I’ve been talking about my friend Jerry for a few entries now. I wrote about him in my “Snakes and Ladders” and “Be Happy!” entry. He seems to be getting all serious with me lately but can I trust that again? Sometimes I feel I am on his good side and take one step forward but right after, I end up taking two steps back. It is hard to like someone who has been doing that, all the years that you’ve known them.
Since I talked things out with Jerry a few days ago things have gotten better. I told him I don’t like doing all the talking, I feel like I am talking to a wall sometimes. He said he isn’t much of a talker but I said, well, I can’t keep talking to myself forever. Since then, he talks more, he isn’t talkative which is alright but I no longer feel like I am talking to myself. Hooray! Jerry has been saying that he always liked me because I was so nice to him but he is sorry for not recognizing that he was a pain to me sometimes. He also realized how much I truly mean to him and he is stepping up and trying to figure out what pisses me off about him, so he can stop. So far so good!
When we were talking yesterday he said that wonders about “us” sometimes. He wonders why I am so far away and why do I want him, of all people. Personally, I don’t have the slightest clue. I am nice to him but I don’t know if I could love him again, if I do he has to work his butt off. Which I know he wouldn’t work for me, I tried to tease him today and he didn’t like it.
I am looking for the long haul, marriage, and children the big shah-bang. I also question if he can commit and stay loyal to me, he has had sex before and that is always picking at me in the back of my mind. He was raised Catholic by his parents but doesn’t act upon it. I, on the other hand, have not had sex before. So it will be like nothing to him, while it’s everything to me, get it? I am thinking way to into things and your probably thinking ok crazy little lady chill out and stop thinking about it.
What I am basically trying to say is I don’t trust him and he doesn’t have main qualities I am looking for in a boyfriend. I’m not making my decision yet! I will see what happens over the next few months. I know he is trying so let’s see how far that will get him.
I have fear I want to go over. I firmly believe if someone has a role model, depending on how much they admire them, they will pick up their traits and whatnot. I look up to my grandma and she is a hard worker, similar to myself but I think if I end up with Jerry, my marriage will end up like my grandparents and that isn’t a good thing at all. I don’t know the whole story of my grandparents but from what I see is a really nice lady going for a guy who wouldn’t work for her. My grandma ends up doing everything! She works, does chores and takes care of her children and grandchildren. I don’t want to end up like that! Honestly all my grandfather ever does is sit down, watch the news, invest and manage money. That’s it! They are still married and my grandma is pretty tolerant of him and I am a pretty tolerant person myself. See where I am going with this?
Comments (4)
Oh yeah totally! Therapy is like a mirror, you get out of it what you put in it. Plus, if they don’t like their therapist, they should change. Plus, at $220 an hour, I’m not wasting anytime hahaha
Good luck with Jerry, but try not to think too much! hahha, over-analyzing can be your worst enemy!
Haha, I have pics of all my crushes. I’m not sure how they would appreciate me posting them on my xanga though…
Sad that he smokes and drinks. I can tolerate a drinker, but kissing a smoker is yucky!
I totally understand what you mean! If you want this conversation to be private, you should probably send me a message, but no I get exactly what you mean! I’m more sexually liberal, so I don’t see the significance of holding on to virginity until marriage, but if you believe in it, that’s awesome, and don’t compromise =D
but seriously, best of luck with this guy!
look all guys usually have one thing on their mind but there are some who don’t but anyway if you love him, you should feel safe to talk about things with him and feel warm inside with no regret or worries if you don’t just tell him, he might be broken for the rest of his life but I learned in this world to forget about those who mean nothing to you and keep those who do
anyways if your thinking of getting married as soon as possible it does take time and work you can’t instantly fall in love with someone it takes time for a certain trust to be built and if you think this guy is worth having a family with then its up to make a decision, is he really worth spending your whole life with.