Recently I have started to reanalyze my life and I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I have been contemplating my progress in school (or lack thereof) and I am wondering if the world really as easy as it can be. I feel like every time I go into school I am piling on more stuff than I can handle and although my classes are strongly within passing range they all perfect which I consider a 3.8 or higher. I could take fewer classes and master them like perhaps two or take on a huge load of sixteen credits which is what I am taking now and half ass it. I hate not going through with things entirely, it bothers me but I feel pressured to run myself into the ground because I just want to graduate and get out of my life of hell here with my mother.

I feel like it would be so much simpler if I could just drop everything and run away across the water but I know my impatience would cost me greatly. I am confused between working really hard and postponing my school (which I strongly hate the thought of) or continue to stress myself out. I am starting to see that there is no reason to do this. One of these days I need to sit and just re-adjust my plans, I am getting rather frustrated. One of the other things that are not going according to plan is my car. I was hoping to get my car paid off at my two year mark but it looking like that is going to happen in maybe 3? I can’t wait that long I am so impatient. I do not want to slack on my excessive amounts of payments either but I can’t even begin to describe the frustration I feel when I see a chunk of it go to my interests. Regardless, I will suck it up and carry on but that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it along the way. I can’t blame people for hindering my successes but I feel that if only my mother didn’t pressure me into buying a car I wouldn’t have taken out a loan, simple as that. Loans of any kind are horrible.

Other than money babble I’ve been thinking a lot about people and the structure of society. We live in such a cruel society and I don’t understand why people do half the things they do. I love people but that’s what I say because I am blindly optimistic. Realistically I think that this world is so horribly rude that even the few honest stories that I hear via. the news and whatnot can’t even begin to compensate for the millions of billions rude comments of gestures I see/hear on a daily basis. Doesn’t this bug anyone else? Doesn’t anyone else think like this? I think most people don’t really think about this mostly because society has dumbed down a lot of notches. Perhaps, I am too sensitive who knows? I just feel like people around me are just so rude and I have to constantly put up walls and call this the “norm” of society. This might be locational, I am not sure. Simply put I am just getting so tired of putting myself out there and going above and beyond for some friends when no one does the same in return. When someone asks me for a favor and it’s in my inconvenience now-a-days, I just tell them I don’t FEEL like doing that/helping you out sorry. This is the norm. This is not my norm and this is not how I want to treat people and this is not how I want people to treat me.