I know life is hard. It’s especially hard when it comes to thinking positively when the world around you is so negative. I try to do my best to keep an optimistic outlook even when no one around can cheer me up. Until recently I’ve been more “real” with my feelings, more expressive than I’ve ever been before and I found out by doing this I have attracted the right amount of help that I needed for my current situation. I know that even though keeping a positive outlook is great it’s not good to keep how you really feel inside.

In real life sanarios it’s hard to follow obvious and common sense advice. I remember when my brother was talking to me about making friends at school and not attracting the right friends he wants in the long run and being friends with so-so people he doesn’t care much about. I told him that he needs to drop all the friends that weigh him down so he can open himself to the people around him that truly care about him. This piece of advice is so hard to do yet so easy to say. I let concepts like this roll around in my brain a bit before I put them into action. I think of the actual process of why it is hard to just do the obvious advice, the repercussions and the desired outcome.

I figured at the point in my life I am pretty miserable and I need to do something different, heck, I had nothing to lose. The people whom I called friends or people I put all my efforts into without any acknowledgement in return were wasting my life. I spent lots of time miserably waiting around for these “friends” to call me back or to hang out with and I felt like crap because I never got anywhere with these people!

I broke away from all these people who were bringing me down and I also put the “talk is cheap” concept into play and started visiting people who are actually important to me regardless of the distance [keeping it within my state of course]. I kept putting myself out there to new people and I started to reshape the people who I called friends and I couldn’t have been happier.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been really happy hanging out with my friends and most especially my friend Hiliary. We’ve known each other for about a year or two and I’ve hung out with her before but I think with her current busy situation which was getting married, having a baby, getting a new job and moving into her first house it was hard to establish a friendship with her.

Within the past month we’ve gotten really close and I have never felt so connected to someone in my life! We have about the same outlook in life with our optimism and have almost the exact same interests. She motivates me and appreciates the same things that I do. There are no jealousy issues because we just want the best for the other person and to share what makes us happy. We’ve had multiple adventures together and out of all the adventures I’ve ever had the best ones I’ve had with her. I am really thankful I met her and I am glad we connected. We are going to have another Seattle trip here in a few weeks. We are going to go to our favorite store called Daiso together and I am going to show her a new place she has never been to before.

Our best adventure so far!

Beauty & The Beast 3D [above] | Beauty & The Beast Broadway @ The Paramount [below]

It’s not new news that I suck at math. This is a lifelong on-going process that is still on my ass. Today I saw an adviser on the college I am going to be transferring to for my associates as a paralegal. I was excited and proud of myself for all the good grades I have and everything I have accomplished so far as a working student. I know that I needed to start on my math last quarter but I was scared to re-enter my fears of failure.

We found the college and the advising center just fine, I waited my turn in line and I finally saw the adviser I was waiting for a long time to see. Everything was going just nicely I completed everything that I needed to complete in my time frame. She was writing out my classes on the transfer requirements and she asked me what classes I was taking this quarter. I told her what I was taking and threw math in there. I let her know it was a low level math that wasn’t at college level and that I have a hard time in math and I am working towards improving it.

 Automatically her attitude towards me changed. It seemed that she was personally looking down on me and that I wasn’t going to make it, or something? I don’t know but she didn’t act like she did before. She seemed to come off as a nag when she referred to my math level. I guess to put it frankly she acted like I shouldn’t be at this college but whatever. She can’t determine my success or my failures. Underestimating me has turned out to be successful for anyone at any given point in time. Regardless, even if it takes a little time I will prove her wrong.

Also, I have come to the realization that entering in the second part of my math class (math90B) may not be successful for my needs. I feel that in my class there are parts that I work really fast and efficiently but there are other parts where I am seriously lost. I need some personal tutoring, again. I will not go back to that other tutor who did not specialize in math but I will pick someone new.

I messaged the new tutor tonight and I hope to receive a response within the next few weeks. I am pretty sure this is a more effective way to get the direction I need to go. I wish I was smarter in math, among other things. I feel so stupid sometimes.