November 5, 2007
-
Youth Convention 07
This year’s youth convention got off to a rocky start. I should have been more prepared ahead of time! I was doing a super clean on my room, where I take out everything and sort out what stays and goes. Anyways, I didn’t finish it on time and I had to get ready to leave. I left my room in a decent mess but any type of mess is bad! My mom was giving me a hard time because she wanted to leave early for something she wanted to do. I was thinking why doesn’t she ever think of my needs? I am clearly busy getting ready for the weekend and she just piles more stress on my shoulders.
When I got to church I was really happy to see all my friends again. Cathy was talking about our latest’s complaints over Samuel which I will discuss more about later and what we are expecting at this year’s convention. I thought that Cathy would do something because I thought she didn’t like Michael and she didn’t really know Donald, which were my friends that I hung out with. Mann, I was so wrong! I didn’t think Donald would get a little carried away with his mouth! Well, since I knew Donald I knew he was joking the whole time but to everyone else didn’t and even though almost everything was a joke, I think he took it a little too far. I knew deep in my gut I should have stopped things before it got out of hand, but I didn’t. Oh well, I screwed up and I need to get over myself. Ha-ha!
I don’t want things to get any weirder between both of us. We talked things out a few days before convention about our friendship and how we haven’t been in contact with each other and whatnot. So I thought convention would be a place to catch up and be on good terms officially. I just feel like ever since my mom thing, when he called and what not, that he has been on edge with me or something. It just doesn’t feel the same. I am not mad at him, I am not mad at all and people tend to really back away from me when I tell them something isn’t right. I am a forgiving person! It even says on my MySpace.
There were a lot of good points and bad points of convention. On a scale of one though ten, with ten being the best, it was a nine. My reason for the nine is that I did enjoy the theme and what convention had to offer this year; I also have to admit, the shirts were pretty sweet. The only thing that got me a little bit bummed was Michael.
I didn’t force Michael to come to the convention, I just invited him. During almost the whole thing he seemed like he was forcing himself to be there, like being there was the worse place in the world. I understood it was new to him and I didn’t expect him to be excited on the first day. On the second day he ran away and was hiding from me! He was missing for an hour or so until I found him in my second workshop. I talked to him about it later on and he said he doesn’t feel that people there wouldn’t take him seriously, that he could actually kill himself. At this point I am like, what the heck? No one was treating him like he was “special” or even emotional, so I was really confused. I just told him not to assume silly things like that because I wasn’t anywhere near to thinking the way he does.
The point is I am really worried about him. I feel him getting worse year by year and at this point I can say I don’t know him anymore. He isn’t that person I knew a few years ago. There are times when I think about him and just cry or I am on the verge of crying. If he is going to keep acting like this he is going to kill himself, no doubt about it. I am hopeful that the true Michael, the one I met years ago is still in there somewhere. I am never going to forgive myself if he dies. I keep offering my help and it seems like he just pushes me away. How come at convention he took some random girl that came along and let her help him, while he knows me, he just pushes me away. Am I suffocating him? I don’t talk to him that often. I just want to scream and cry out my concerns towards him! Doesn’t he realize there is no reason to be sad! He is away from his mother now and everything should be hunky dory, I don’t understand! What’s wrong!!!
